Dee Hathaway

Yes I know it’s been another week between posts (another week! what the crap) well it’s not because I haven’t been thinking about you. And it’s not because I haven’t had anything to say. Yah, I don’t really have any reasons, so let’s just move on with the post, mkay?

I went to the gym this morning (no. what a big surprise) and had a fantastic workout! You should have been there – the place was deserted. It was just me and the music (my own playlist, I can’t stand the music at the gym) and a few other fitness fanatics – pretty much the same people I see there everyday.

Anyhoo, there is this cool little move that I do on the treadmill when I’m done running. I hit the stop button and let the belt carry me off the back of the machine and kind of plop gently to the floor. I tell myself that it looks smooth (cuz if I didn’t think I look good, who would?) and it’s just fun to do. That move works out pretty well if I’m actually in the cool-down phase. (Usually I run last, so I do a walk at the end to cool down.) Rolling off the back of the treadmill is a whole different experience when you hit the stop from a full run than when walking. It turns out there is a big difference in the way you ride the belt when you are going 6 mph versus 2.8 mph. Big.difference. (big)

So today I hit that stop button and instead of gliding smoothly back of the end, I flew back. It didn’t look smooth. Especially when the arms started flying spasmodically in all directions and I was thrown to the floor. Okay, I wasn’t really thrown to the floor, but it was pretty darned close. There was a certain amount of hopping and frantic grabbing for something to keep my head above my… shoulders (ya, that’s a safe word). I didn’t even bother to look around to see if anybody saw my gracefulness; that’s just how cool I am. (good things I had headphones on so I couldn’t hear the laughter)

As I sat on the bike, pedaling my pride back into existence, I started thinking about what lessons could be learned from that experience, and I came up with a bit of a list (you knew that was going to happen at some point, right?)
1. I need to pay more attention
2. It’s good to be ridiculous  (and I take that to the extreme sometimes)
3. Penguins are very cute, but probably shouldn’t be at the gym
4. You are awesome, and I’m glad you didn’t see me fly off the back of the treadmill

So most of that doesn’t really qualify as a life lesson (okay, probably none of that), but it did get me thinking (yes, it happens in every post). I know I talk a lot about rules and paths and intentions, and I’m living proof that those things work. I don’t know if you are aware (and if you aren’t, you haven’t been paying attention), but I have had a most fabulous time as of late. My distraction has become my intention and I have made it a part of my everyday life.  And it works so well for me!

But there is one important thing that I feel I should discuss at this time, and that is maintaining a sense of humor, especially when it comes to me. I have done some absolutely stupid things, and I assure you I will do many more (it’s the way I am).   And I will embrace my own stupidity, because it is what makes me who I am. And anything that I have done to get me where I am today is absolutely worth it.

I think too often people take themselves way too seriously (not us, but some people) and forget that life is about the journey, not the destination. I’ve seen people get so wrapped up in getting ahead, in making sure their well thought-out plans are right on track that they forget to have any fun. And soon they find themselves unable play. (I like playtime) I always say (okay, not always, but at least once in a while), if you can’t laugh at yourself, I’m more than willing to do it for you!

So as we continue on this journey together, as we write the next chapters of our story, let’s make sure to keep the laughter and silliness… I love that part.  Let’s go for car rides and stick our hands out the window to fly them on the air. Let’s call each other silly names and get dizzy on the swingset. Let’s not be afraid to make faces or tell funny stories.  I promise to always do things that will make you laugh, whether it be with me or at me. Cuz I love to hear you laugh.  It’s the way I am.

Popularity: 8% [?]

I want a really long post title. Oh look! I got one.

I went to a pool party last night. An actual pool party with a pool full of water. (you were thinking 8 ball corner pocket, weren’t you?) It was a pool party for one of the kids’ school groups – so a bunch of friends and their kids. Sort of an end of the cool weather swimming party.

I was sporting the highly fashionable new swimming suit that I got from… somewhere I’m sure… for Hawaii and have not had a chance to wear yet. I kinda wish I had bought a wetsuit instead of a swimming suit, because the water could have been used to debunk the whole global warming thing. (brrr) But one person did say ‘holy crap Dee what happened you used to be fat’. My friends have such tact, but it did make me glad I wore the outfit, even if there wasn’t a slide or a tippy-water-bucket-thing.

The night started out really well (and ended well, too. don’t get all ahead of the story) with me finding out that there still are people out there who have not seen me since I got the amazing haircut (it should be on the history channel or have a memorial marker or something). So the fam piled out of the car I heard the shout across the parking lot of “I love your hair!” I’m looking around at all the people in the parking lot… gotta be a fabulous hairstyle around somewhere… it was me! (woot!)

Oh! While I’ve got your attention (and before you fall asleep from the gripping tales I tell), let me tell you that the previous paragraphs have nothing to do with the point of the post. Thought you should know. So keep reading – it might get better (it could, you don’t know).

The highlight of the party for me was provided by an almost 2 year old (he told everybody several times that he was going to be 2). Be proud of your age, I say. Towards the end, well after dark, he came over to a group of grown-ups (almost everyone is grown up to a 2 year old) who were obviously sitting around trying to figure out how to crush the fun out of whatever the kids were doing, and started a little conversation with one of the teenage girls (who happens to be my daughter) that went something like:

Q: “what happened to the sky?”
A: “it’s right up there” (pointing and looking up at the night sky)
Q: “no. that’s space. what happened to the sky?” (cuz obviously the sky is blue. that stuff up there is black)
A: “When the sun comes up it brings the sky with it” (best answer ever)
Q: “oh”

and that was it. a 25 second conversation to explain where the sky comes from. I was blown away, not just by an almost 2 year-old kid carrying on a conversation like that, but by the girl’s ability to simplify that answer into terms that the person asking the question could comprehend and use.

And that got me thinking. (you knew it was coming) How often do we over-complicate things? I do it all the time! You know I do – you’ve been witness to what you would term silliness, but I would term stupidity. I let my own inner doubt (yes, mr ego has doubt sometimes) get the best of me from time to time. I appreciate that you ignore that part of me, or at least don’t mention it.

In my job, it isn’t done right unless it’s complicated. (did I mention I work for the government) I have to know every minute detail of how every part of a project will be done. Well, that’s part of being a project manager and keeping a task on track. But I don’t think that needs to apply to life, and I certainly don’t think it applies to getting what we want. ((what is that guy talking about?)) Lemme explain.

I am a big believer in the law of attraction, the law of distraction and the law of giving Dee what he wants. (you haven’t heard of the last one? well, we need to talk) Lemme say right here I am not a big fan of Highway Patrol cars driving by disabled vehicles, mall security guys with nothing to do but harass people, and  loudly ticking clocks.

Anyway (bring it back, hathaway)… I have been on a run of outstandingishness for quite some time now, and have brought some truly fabulous, adorable, wonderful things into my life. like you, dear reader(s). If you’ve known me for any time at all, or you have read the posts (I know you have and I greatly appreciate it!), then you know that I am into the whole ‘get what you ask for’ mentality. It is my focus, my intention, what I want. By now you should know what I want, so I won’t get into that here.

But in my pondering and wondering, and through some searching for inspiration (thank you, muse), I think I’ve hit on one of the secrets to actually getting what you focus your attention on, getting what it is you want. And that is to not worry so much about how it will happen. Set that intention, make sure the universe (and of course you yourself) knows what you want, and why. But don’t worry about the when, or the where or the how. Probably don’t have those answers anyway. Focus on what you do know. Let the universe, the the earth (let me) figure out the how.   Tell the baker that you want wheat bread, but don’t worry about giving directions as to how to make it! The baker already knows how (I have a sudden craving for wheat bread). You just do the wanting and the eating. (I might need a sammich now. like now!)

Kayso let’s do this. Let’s make it very clear what we want.  And let’s spend some time telling the universe, telling ourselves, and telling each other what that is and why. We can even spend some time imagining what we will do once we have it, how awesome it will be.  Let’s enjoy the wanting, but for now let’s not worry about the when, or the how; that part will happen. (I know it will)  We just have to watch for it and be ready so we don’t miss it when it drives by.

Those planets will align, just ask ‘em nice and show ‘em some gratitude.  they like us!

Popularity: 9% [?]

That’s it. That’s all you need to know. There is not ‘not as I do’ or ‘and/or this will happen’.

Okay, you know I’m just kidding, right? But believe it or not the title of the post does have something to do with the content of the post… I hope you’ve seen that pattern in the previous posts. If not just let me know. and I’ll block your IP address from accessing my site. (you know I love it when you visit the site)

Yesterday I attended the Arizona Digital Government Summit in Phoenix. Well I attended some of it. I got called back to work twice. But I’m not bitter. (much) Anyway, I did make it there in time for the free lunch, which is the really important part of any government function.

Before lunch I attended a break-out session (which does not, despite the name, have anything to do with acne) which talked about the road-map for Microsoft services and cloud computing. (hey! wake up!)

As I looked around the room, searching desperately and without success for a chair, I noticed a lot of geeky toys that I didn’t have. Yet. Anywhey….

Part of the presentation at lunch (along with the entertainment of watching people search desperately for an empty chair by someone who won’t want to talk to them) was a speech on morale given by Gopal K. Kapur. Outstanding speaker; very funny, very informative. I highly recommend you book him for your next IT summit. Or birthday party. Or whatever.

Mr. Kapur spoke quite a bit about project management, and one of the topics that really spoke to me (and therefore gets written to you) was about Intelligent Disobedience. I thought he was talking about me at first, cuz we all know I’m intelligent (stop rolling your eyes like that) and I’m not really into the whole ‘rules’ thing right now. But more about that (and me) later. Lemme ‘splain about Intelligent Disobedience (ID).

Although it is often used (thanks to the aforementioned speaker) in Project Management, it actually started as a term used when training seeing-eye dogs. If you’ve noticed, at a lot of crosswalks there is a chirping sound when the ‘walk’ signal is illuminated to indicate to the visually impaired that it is safe to cross. If the dog (and the person, of course) are at a crosswalk, for example, and the ‘walk’ signal is chirping, the dog should see that the path is clear and move forward. Doesn’t always happen, though, so the handler/owner/dude with the dog (let’s call him Doug) can give the leash a little tug to indicate that they should get movin’. Sort of like little doggie spurs (go read the boots post. you know you like it).

If the dog can see that it isn’t a good time to move, that’s where the Intelligent Disobedience comes in. The dog will not move (thus protecting Doug from becoming Mack-truck lube). So Doug can get impatient and give a bigger tug, after which the dog will bite Doug squarely in the crotch. (not really, just seeing of you’re paying attention) But the dog might move forward just a little more, enough to indicate to Doug that the dog is awake and alive and knows more about what is going on than Doug does. (c’mon Doug, wake up) And then if Doug just keeps walking anyway, the dog can call the ambulance.

I thought that was pretty cool. Not just that dogs are so freakin’ smart, but the whole disobedience for the sake of doing the right thing. So I started thinking (I do that sometimes) about how that applies to our everyday lives, and, in particular, you and me in our daily encounters and activities. I will skip the obvious applications of project management and everyday safety issues and just take it to the point of living our lives and fulfilling our potential.

I’m not saying that we need to disregard all the rules and run naked through the streets (well, not every day). I’m not saying that we need to be difficult, and I’m definitely not saying that we should do whatever the heck we want regardless of how it affects the safety of those around us. ((so what are you saying Mr Hathaway?)) What I am saying is that it means we should be true to ourselves and those around us. It means we should take a good hard look at the rules, especially the ones we impose on ourselves, and figure out if they are really hurting us or harming us. If they are necessary and make life easier or if they are just a burden and preventing our own happiness and the fulfillment of what we really want to do and be.

What I’m saying (no, I won’t stop saying things) is that next time we find ourselves saying “ugh” about something, let’s just stop. If it’s not a good time to move, don’t move. Just take a minute to think about why we are doing whatever it is that obviously throws off our groove. If it’s a rule that we have put on ourselves, why would we do that? Reevaluate those stupid rules, practice a little intelligent disobedience and do what is right, what is good for us. (you are good for me) Life is too short to live by stupid rules. Live by the good ones, like keep being awesome and park with your license plate to the wall and always read Dee’s blog. Those are intelligent rules (no disobedience required). Those are the gooder rules.

Popularity: 8% [?]

It’s been almost a week since the last post. Almost a week! ((what have you been doing hathaway?!))

You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. OK. You might believe me, but nobody else would.

I got up late this morning (the sun was already up and everything!) and decided to do the weekly check on the facebook (Dee is not a big facebook fan) to see what my family might be up to. It’s easier than actually calling them (sorry fam.. you know how I am) After I go through the first 6 pages of Mafia Wars and Farmville updates (I block more than I actually read) I find that my sister has just finished her first 5k run. Great. She’s running 5k and I’m sleeping half the day away, sittin’ in my jammies with my feet on the desk reading facebook.  and i don’t even like facebook (did I mention that already?).

I actually ran a cross-country 5k race when I was young(er) and thin(ner) and more in shape(r). It was pretty brutal… carrying an M16 and running in uniform through the swamps of Japan (yes, they have swamps). But it was a lot of fun and just exhilarating to cross the finish line. And I hope to never do it again.

I’ve spent a bit of time lately thinking about how to stay excited and motivated about things, and now thinking about running that 5k, and how awesome my sister is for running one, I thought I would ponder in print (which means you have to see it) about how to keep that spark, that light, that special something going once you find something good. You know, keep that dedication going, whether it be a 5k run, dropping the weight or saving up to buy your own racer (you can always just ride in mine, you know).  So I took a few notes to get me started.

1. I have no idea what I’m doing.
2. Penguins are cute. I saw some dachshunds this morning that were not cute. I did not know that could happen. But I have yet to see an uncute penguin.
3. You are awesome

And from there I decided that maybe I shouldn’t make a list. But this would be an extremely short (and probably better) post if I just stopped after deciding that I don’t know what I’m doing. So I thought I would share some of my years of insight and experience with you.

Then I realized that I don’t have any (I told you I don’t have any idea what I’m doing… weren’t you paying attention?!). I’m totally making this up as I go. But I can let you in on a few things that have led to the new improved Dee, things that I hope to carry forward into bigger and better (and gooder) things. You ready? (well, we’re moving on anyway)

• Know what’s important to you. And focus on that.  Health and happiness (which includes you!) are my vanguard.  I’m still focused on doing what makes me happy and keeps me healthy.
• Got get it.  All the intending and planning and wishing in the world won’t get you anything (unless you’re me) without moving, without taking a risk.  You already know what you want.  Go get it!
• Develop a routine.  I know that doesn’t sound exciting, but you need to make sure that you spend some quality time every day developing yourself and the things that are important to you.  Set aside time for your passion; don’t let it become ordinary.
• Vary the routine. Okay, I know I said get a routine first. So I will narrow that down. Get a bit of a routine, something you can count on. But don’t travel the same road all the time or you will just find yourself in a rut.  Mix it up!
• Learn to say no. Do not think that you have to do anything just to make someone else happy. You start compromising yourself and pretty soon you are a crappy version of what you think somebody else expects you to be.
• Remember why you started in the first place, what it was like before.
• Be true to you.  Be honest.  Be trusting. Especially with yourself.

These are not great words from a guru (what do you want for free?) but they are honest words from me to you.  I don’t know much… but I think I have figured out a little bit about the good things (just read all those posts about intention) and I think we can help each other get what we really want out of life.  Isn’t that what friends are for?  :)

So let’s make a deal, you and I, to always remember what it was like before, be grateful for what we have now, and wish for more.  Let’s be trusting and always tell the truth, with ourselves and each other. Let’s be a little spontaneous and make time for each other whenever we can (I can be found right here); never miss an opportunity.  Let’s not be afraid to ask the tough questions, and give the brave answers, and just zip it when we need to. Let’s take a few risks, follow our hearts and our instincts; but always use our heads. and we’ll be safe, and happy.  Let’s never miss an opportunity to let each other know what we really think (isn’t that what the comment section is for?) and how we really feel.

I’ll start.  You.are.awesome!  And I like you.

Popularity: 7% [?]

I was at the gym this morning (yes, I tell a lot of gym stories… its one of the most consistent things in my life) talking with a couple of the guys in the locker room (about manly things, I assure you) and one of them mentioned that he was having a rough morning… “the price you pay for having such a wild weekend”, I believe he said.

I didn’t really pay attention to it at the time, just went on about the business of getting myself ready to go to work (you know… clothes, hair, bad attitude).

Then when I got to work, I was playing the “how was your weekend” game with the coworkers and one of them stated that the weekend started out really well for them, but that yesterday wasn’t really all that good. “You gotta take the good with the bad”, I’d heard earlier in the week (so I used that line and called it my own), so I sympathized with having an off day once in a while. And then somebody else stated something about how you pay for the good days with bad days.

Whoa. Wait. Stop. What? Come again?
Not what I was saying.

So that got me thinking ((already? so early in the post?)) about the ways that people think about how their life works, and what price they think they are paying for their fun, and about whether or not you can have too much of a good thing. We’ll see if I can stay focused enough to cover all that here (oh look! shiny!)

So I was okay with Mr PartyAnimal (not his real name… I think) in the gym who stated that there was a price to be paid for having a good time. But that is a self imposed price. Stay out too late, get grounded (only if you get caught!). Drive too fast, get pulled over (not that it ever happens to me). These are things that we do to ourselves; self-imposed penalties, if you will.

But I really had a hard time hearing that there have to be bad days to balance out the good days. Now calm down, all you zen practitioners, I do think there is balance. And I used to think that you needed to have a bad day to know what a good day was, but I now think thats kinda like saying you need to be on fire to know what not being on fire is.

What I’m saying is there is no set number of good days we are allowed; no one is keeping score. The universe has plenty of good to go around; enough for everyone to have nothing but good, should we so choose. But some people choose that self-imposed penalty. I say if we want good days, we need only to have them. You know, set that intention, focus, and expect it to happen.

It just so happens that I had a most excellent weekend, week, month quarter and so far year, so I think I know of what I am speaking.

Will there be bad days? Tough times? Sure. Once in a while. But that’s because we’re human, not because we’ve red-lined the good-day-ometer or because we’ve used up our share. Have that bad day; roll through and move on.

So, I suppose the point (yes, there’s a point. it’s a theme with these posts) is that I will no longer worry about whether or not I’m getting my fair share; I’m getting what I ask for. I will no longer worry about paying the price for having an outstanding day or worrying that they will be too few; I will get at least what I need, and outstanding days will come often. The price I pay for having good days? Gratitude.

So let’s you and I, dear reader(s) concentrate on firsts, on trying new things and and making lasting memories, on getting off our seats and being a little uncomfortable sometimes, on driving fast (now, don’t speed) and singing loud, on climbing walls and trees and removing the silly rules we impose on ourselves. Together we’ll let somebody else worry about having bad days and keeping score; our days will be good and we will have lots of them!!

Popularity: 7% [?]