Don’t be a Twit

Ways to Get People to Unfollow You on Twitter
(If you find this offensive, let me know so I can unfollow you.)

Twitter is an absolutely amazing tool.  And there are some amazing tools using Twitter.

Few things in the history of the internet have caused a stir such as Twitter.  From Ashton’s million followers to the Oprah-ing few programs have made media headlines like this one.  Why is it so such a smash, you ask?

  1. It’s so simple.  140 characters posted to the internet and you never need to look at or think about it again. 
  2. It’s web based.  Anyone can sign up and there is no software to install.
  3. There is no point.  A lot of people sign up just to check it out and see why their kids/wife/husband/soon-to-be-ex are on that freakin’ web site all the time.  These are the people who will have 2 posts and never log in again.
  4. It’s all about me.  A simple post to let the entire world know that you are eating a cupcake.
  5. We are bored.  There’s nothing happening on Facebook since we turned 21 and none of our friends can go out to the bars we can now frequent, or they have jobs and have to get up in the morning and can’t WOW past 1:00 am.  So we turned to Twitter so we could find out who is eating a cupcake.

Before you get all tweeted-off, I fully understand the business and personal power that Twitter holds.  I am steadily building a following and watch the every move of some very interesting people whom I will never meet.  I even use it to promote my sites and products and it has helped me get good page rankings.  How ever you are using the program, do have to admit that there is a lot of crap/tweeting (creeping?).

As I have started to build up my followers and pick the people I will follow, I have found a few trends (and a few Tweeps) that really need to die a quick painful death.  When these things happen I go directly to the unfollow.  And yes, I know they will unfollow me right back; I just don’t care.

  1. As soon as I follow you, DM me a link to the latest get-rich-on-the-internet affiliate program you have.  Holy crap.  I follow you and the first thing you do is try to get me to hook you up on Clickbank with your "get a million followers in 3 hours" program.  Not why I’m here.  I understand the autoreply function and why you use it when you get new followers.  And I understand how to use it.  How about "Hey, thanks for following me.  I like eggs".  Let me know who you are and that I won’t be sorry I followed you.  I’m sure you will be SPAMMING me plenty later anyway.  Buh-bye.
  2. Only post links to your affiliate/sales programs.  127 posts a day – everyday – each of them saying "I made $150 last week by not washing my underwear" with the appropriate link to the same product you pushed 20 times yesterday.  Try to trick me by throwing in a quote from Edmund Hillary every 15th post.  I’m that gullible.  Boring and annoying.  Smell-ya-later-spammer.
  3. Post 2 dozen posts right in row, make sure they are only about 15 seconds apart so my entire screen fills up with your picture, and walk away.  That lets me know that you are putting in your 20 minutes of marketing for the day.  If I want advertising 24/7 I’ll buy a newspaper.  So-long.
  4. Spend 5 hours straight posting links to every song you are listening to.  <eye-twitch>
  5. Only post about you, and post every mundane detail.  Zzzzzzzz.  Isn’t that what Facebook and MySpace are for?
  6. Post everybody you follow on follow-friday.  I follow @aduckey, @bduckey, @cduckey, @dduckey, etc.  Can’t you pick some people that you actually follow and tell me why you follow them?  I already have an address book.  Don’t-let-the-door-hit-ya….
  7. Overuse the hash-tags.  #are #you #serious?  #bye#bye#now
  8. Never reply.  When somebody asks you a question or sends you a DM, just let it sit there.  You’re not here to communicate anyway.  It’s not like this is social media, right?  <blank stare>

But I digress.  The list continues, but these are the top things that annoy me right now on Twitter.  Why should you care?  Well, you shouldn’t.  But a lot of other people find these things very annoying also.  The people who will put up with this for an extended period of time (ie not unfollow you) haven’t logged into Twitter in months, or they are selling the same stuff you are and don’t care to use this for anything but marketing either.

Find out how to use the program, take a marketing course, get a real life and DM me that you finally can be sociable.  Then I’ll follow you.  You don’t even have to follow me back.

Stay tuned for my post on why I won’t follow you in the first place!

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