Thanksgiving Day Safety

Tips to avoid the ER and enjoy the holidays

Oh hi!  It’s time for my semi-annual post!  Remember when I used to write every day… and then a couple of times a month… and then once a quarter… (you see where this is going, right?).  Well at this rate, this will be my last post, so read it slowly and savor every joke (I’ll let  you know where those are).

I was talking with the wife the other day, and I said “If my life should ever depend on a machine to keep me alive, please just turn it off”.   She unplugged the wifi.  (that was a joke)

I was at the gym this morning watchin’ all 4 of the TVs in front of me (and the TV on the bike in front of me… and the iPhone I brought… and the iPad next to me… pretty much watching everything except what I was doing) and there was a segment on the news about Thanksgiving Day Safety.  Of course it went into the usual list of safety tips that we’ve all come to love and ignore.  Now that Thanksgiving day is over, I thought I’d post a few here for you to peruse.  Don’t worry; you can use them at Christmas too.

  1. Stay in the kitchen while you are cooking.
  2. Be alert!  You can’t be alert if you are sleepy, have taken medicine or drugs, or consumed alcohol that makes you drowsy.
  3. Wash your hands with soap and water.
  4. Try to cut down on the handshaking and PDA.
  5. Never hold a child while cooking.
  6. Set a timer to keep track of food with longer cooking times to remind you that you are cooking.
  7. After guests leave, walk around the home to make sure all candles and smoking materials are extinguished.
  8. Keep pets off cooking surfaces and nearby countertops to prevent them from knocking things onto the burner.
  9. Make sure your sleeves are out of the way when cooking. Wear tighter fitting clothing with shorter sleeves.

I thought these were some pretty fantastic tips.  Those little rules will certainly keep you safe in the kitchen.  But like most things I thought I could improve on them just  a bit, so I added a few words of wisdom to each item.

  1. Stay in the kitchen while you are cooking.
    And unless you are cooking, stay out of the kitchen!  Especially if you’re cooking with me.  Sit on the counter and be cute (you know who you are) by all means, but too many (meaning more than me) cooks spoil the broth.
  2. Be alert!  You can’t be alert if you are sleepy, have taken medicine or drugs, or consumed alcohol that makes you drowsy.
    So only consume medicine, drugs or alcohol that keeps you awake!
  3. Wash your hands with soap and water.
    And don’t use foul language or your mom will wash your mouth with soap and water.
  4. Try to cut down on the handshaking and PDA.
    Public Display of Affection.  When I first saw this, I thought it was Personal Digital Assistant.  I couldn’t understand why you shouldn’t use a smartphone in the kitchen!  I’ve been in the geekness too long.
  5. Never hold a child while cooking.
    Unless it’s Julia Child.  And then she’d probably kick you out of the kitchen (see rule #1)
  6. Set a timer to keep track of food with longer cooking times to remind you that you are cooking.
    If you forget you’re cooking dinner, we’re going somewhere else for Thanksgiving next year.  (this means you, crazy uncle Phil!)
  7. After guests leave, walk around the home to make sure all candles and smoking materials are extinguished.
    And more importantly,  make sure they didn’t leave any children behind.  Check the closets and behind the couch too!
  8. Keep pets off cooking surfaces and nearby countertops to prevent them from knocking things onto the burner.
    Unless you have a pet turkey. Or maybe a pet sweet potato (you again, Uncle Phil)
  9. Make sure your sleeves are out of the way when cooking. Wear tighter fitting clothing with shorter sleeves.  
    Especially if you’re a severe hotty.

And for a couple tips of my own to keep you safe

  1. Unless you really like fireworks, fire, firemen and/or fire insurance inspectors, make sure that turkey is COMPLETELY thawed and dry before you drop it in the deep fryer.and most importantly…
  2. Always, always, always tell your wife how much you like her Sweet Potato Pie!!  (I love you Cindy Hathaway!)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!!!

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